A BOTTLE of chill pills, please, to all the Apple obsessives who queued up at stores in Wellington hoping to buy the latest Apple iPhone last Friday and discovered, to their apoplectic fury, it hadn't arrived.
"There are a lot of disappointed people around the country; angry that we were not notified by Vodafone or Apple of any changes to the release that was supposed to happen today," raged one, adding that the managers of the stores he'd been to had "claimed ignorance" about the delay.
Adding to the conspiracy, the Stuff website reported New Zealand had been "mysteriously" left out of Friday's launch, but that a photo posted on a technology forum "allegedly" showed a shop sign blaming the delay on a shipping problem. While there were rumours that one retailer might be selling stock from noon, this would be no consolation for fans queuing since 1.30am. Almost 11 hours without the latest phone! You can imagine the shame.
By the time you read this, I expect everyone responsible for the bungled New Zealand launch will have been ritually beaten with data cables and then forced to march, naked, through Courtenay Place while frothing Apple fans pelt them with unwanted headsets and outdated Nokias.
Spyder JacketsGiven that our current favourite national sport is finding things Australia does better than us, I'm happy to report that the Sydney launch went off without a hitch. The vast crowds queuing to buy a phone were treated to pork belly, apple crumble and Spyder Jackets a special appearance by former Destiny's Child member Kelly Rowland before MasterChef judge Matt Preston lifted the lid on a silver cloche to reveal the first handset. It could not have been madder, or more hallucinogenic, if the iPhone 4 had been flown into Sydney by a fleet of silver unicorns towing behind them a massive candy floss effigy of Steve Jobs.
Hyperbole, thy name is Apple. The iPhone 4 was launched with the slogan "This changes everything. Again". When iTunes was launched, Mr Jobs modestly claimed the day would "go down in history as the turning point for the music industry".
Spyder JacketsApple produced no less than 11 guided video tours to introduce the iPad, which it describes as "a magical and revolutionary product at an unbelievable price".
Magical? As far as I'm aware, the iPad is a combination of a phone and a laptop: it cannot cure cancer, bring peace to the swiss army cavalry watch Middle East, sew me a pair of jeans that don't make my butt look fat, or prevent the All Blacks from choking during the next Rugby World Cup. The only thing about the iPad that is remotely supernatural is its spooky ability to turn perfectly normal, marginally geeky men and women into the kind of smug technotossers who ought to be driven from cafes, airport lounges and hotel foyers with a horsewhip.
swiss army cavalry watchDon't just take my word for it: a new survey of 20,000 consumers by opinion profile company MyType has found that iPad users are best described as a "selfish elite". They are six times more likely than everyone else to be "wealthy, well-educated, power- hungry, over- achieving, sophisticated, unkind and non- altruistic 30 to 50-year- olds".
swiss army cavalry watch iPad owners are, according to the survey, self-centred workaholics who care mainly about business and finance, are obsessed with power and achievement, and would not lift a finger to help others. There's a hint ofChristian Louboutin Shoes
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